Gerry Katzman's Rebel Mansion Update (Installment I):

The steaming hot platters of ramaké and shish kebab race by almost faster than we can enjoy them.

As our nursemaid Inge (she's Swedish) swishes by, I thank heaven that Pat convinced me not to fire her. Her foot-massages are simply not to be believed.

After almost four months, renovations are nearly complete, and as I scan the croquet fields, my heart is filled with a certain jeunesse -- similar to Inge's walk. Plans are moving ahead for the annual vernal equinox/pagan ball. Entertainment Chairman Parker has informed me that this year's theme will be "Debauchery '97" (it worked so well last year).

December's monorail fire was certainly a setback - granted. But through it we learned that, indeed, a moat will be necessary, and also, migrant laborers are not to be beaten. While the helipad remains in sturdy condition, I wonder if the ice sculpture of Lana Turner isn't a bit excessive... but I digress...

As Inge's fingers work their magic and the stress of another day seems to melt under her pliant care, those of us here at Rebel Mansion look forward to seeing you in the spring and remind you that our livery stables are nearly full. Other arrangements will have to be made for the Steeplechase event. Contact Dave Kirk for registration information. And as the sound of striking polo mallets fills the air, from those of us at Rebel Mansion, we will see you in the spring, and save water -- shower with a friend.... Excelsior!